so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
