a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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