He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
