Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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