My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize