She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
