Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
