Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
