she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
