Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
