a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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