Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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