I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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