The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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