I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
did i walk over a car last night?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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