i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize