Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Couch. On fire.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
