After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
