I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
