By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
