well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
