So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
