don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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