i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
there is puke in my bra ... again
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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