fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
