Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
