i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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