these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
