Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
