The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
