____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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