She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize