It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
