well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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