What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
as a side note pls kill me
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
