Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
