I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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