No awkward lesbian experiences without me
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I touched a dick in church today
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
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