i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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