He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize