yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
