Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
