In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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