I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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