apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize