you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
