Christians are straight up FREAKS
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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