Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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