If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
