Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
