he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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