turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I am mentally ready for anal.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
