She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize