Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
