and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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