WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
