Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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