He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
