I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
