why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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