I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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