who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
