If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
