Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize