HIV tests are more positive than that guy
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
