goodnight i made you a song goodbye
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize