i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
