I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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