It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize