party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's shark week go big or go home
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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