Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
No I am not eating basil off your cock
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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