Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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