man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
should my penis look like a turkey
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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