Banned from zoo.
Again?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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