Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Success! We fucked roommates!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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