Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
