I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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