Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
