Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
