dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
