mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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