drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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