Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
