He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
