Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
