Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
