how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
