so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
