so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
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