I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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