it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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