office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
