I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
